I could write one of the largest posts here about how this girl has changed me and my life and my very essence. I truly believe that until your child is placed into your arms that very first time that you really do have no concept about being a parent. I remember the first thing was the feeling of helplessness, not of the newborn babe in your arms but the feeling that comes over you when you think 'God has given this child to me to raise for Him but how do I do that?'. All my relationships prior to that had mostly been with other adults or children that were old enough to manipulate into doing what I wanted them to do. This new baby couldn't be controlled, couldn't be manipulated, couldn't even be charmed into doing what I wanted her to do.
She broke me, not in a bad way but an amazing, give God great praises because I have discovered humility.
There is nothing so humbling in caring for a child, you are responsible for everything that goes into the baby (food, words) and everything that comes out of a baby (bowel movements, tears, laughter). And yet that baby still has their own will (God given) and will reveal it to you to both surprise and confront you just when you had them worked out.
This beautiful Princess of mine has brought me such pure joy and she has brought me to my knees where I could go nowhere else but to God. Sometimes I needed to check if He really thought I was up to the challenge of this girl and other times to thank Him so much for bringing her into my life.
Who would have thought that a child of mine would have such a strong will:) And I must admit sometimes it was hard to see past this and see much more.
But as she has grown I have learnt just how truly amazing and intelligent and beautiful and giving and nurturing and funny and life changing this child is.
She is four years old now. And just last week she had to have her immunisation (two needles). She had known about it for some time and was very scared and nervous about the prospect of two very painful needles going in to her arms. So she took along a pen and said that it was her needle and that she was going to needle anyone who tried to give her a needle. As you can imagine I had scenes of carnage in my mind, we enter the nurse's office and the nurse introduces herself and asks Princess a few questions. The nurse then starts to get things ready and Princess comes over and whispers in my ear. 'She's very nice, I like this nurse, I won't need this' and she hands me her 'needle'.
In four years this strong willed baby has been trained to be broke with just a few kind words. She has grown and changed like I never would have believed. The truth is I don't feel so helpless now (at least not most days) because I have been given a gift of a child who is just so amazing (to me).
Please don't ever mistake my words to mean that I am deluded in thinking that I have a perfect child. I know that is certainly not the case. Everyday she reminds me of her imperfection in fighting with her sister, her silliness and her desire to follow her own will. But she is truly more than I ever imagined both in difficulty and in pleasure. I just enjoy focusing on the joy that she brings me everyday. I give thanks to God every day for her (and especially as I type this as I have brought tears to my own eyes many times).
I love you Princess.
Yes after our little scare with Angus, not to mention all the other hassle that adds to that. Luckily for him at least he is now getting better. I say for him because I've been told he needs to 1. stay inside (he's an outside dog) 2. Be calm in order to heal well ( he is a crazy little fella with way too much energy to be calm) 3. I'm meant to keep the children away from him (the problem is more keeping him away from them, he loves them too much). well at least I have managed to keep him off the trampoline.
